Payback Snack

All of this Fixing It With Money has left me broke as a joke. I am literally counting the quarters I can put toward my rent in case this one dumb check doesn't go through tomorrow. These past few months have been a constant re-learning of the same lesson: Save Yer Frickin Money.

I did get a new MacBook, but I didn't splurge on it; it was an overdue gift from my parents for graduating from college last year. A lot of the things I did with my brother Boopsie while he was in town I was able to do because my parents paid for it (half as his high school graduation present, half as my birthday present).

I am in the throes of getting two new jobs and ditching my unemployment, and that transition left me with a lot of paycheck delays that are now nipping at my heels. There are bills I actually have not paid yet that I have to get on top of, there are loans that I need to undefer to put my credit score back on track, there are plans I have for saved money (gym membership, headshot printings, plane tickets home and to Europe) that I have had to put on hold time and again because there is no money saved.

All that, and the fact that when I'm feeling down, I go out to dinner with my friends, which is deeply therapeutic and always hilarious and fun but at the same time it's completely depleting my resources. And for what? My mental and social well-being? I could host a jamboree in the park or meditate transcendentally. We could watch Netflix, we could go to free concerts, we could play baseball. I could start doing yoga or jogging around that big pond or making collages for people's birthdays. I don't need to eat fifteen dollar pasta every other day.

I don't know why I can't get it through my head that I have to be more resourceful. It's stressing me out and it's entirely my fault, so I'm just going to grit my teeth and get it done.

This is the most grown-up topic I've ever blogged on; meanwhile, I am a selfish child! Boo hoo hoo.