Snackanada

O, CANADA

The Best Snack

What If Snack

An Open Invitation to the Petruseks: Brooklyn is calling you.

Snackalike

Halloweiner Snack

This Halloween, I went dressed as A GIANT DICK. Just kidding! I had to work coat check for a party at my job and I had to be on a plane for some hours earlier in the day, so my costume-fashioning time was limited. There was a baby on the plane who was wearing a little skeleton costume and shoes that said BOO. He often squealed but I was surprised to find it quite endearing! Maybe you're like, oh sheesh, she's a girl, blah blah Biological Clock. One thing I hate is when women talk about their "biological clock." Actually, I don't hate it so much as I think it's annoying that the phrase "biological clock" is often accompanied by a knowing nudge or roll of the eyes. "My biological clock sure is ticking. Am I right, ladies?" Chortle chortle emphatic eyebrow NOD! Seriously, Ladies, am I right or am I RIGHT?

So for Halloween I had a bouquet of grapes, which was fun, and a hat. Laura was a giant martini. I also had like white stockings and black lacey boots and a funny smocky dress, so in my mind I was if Wednesday Addams was the girl in The Secret Garden if The Secret Garden took place in Italy rather than the moors of weird England. But that took too long to explain to the girls who went as sexy blah blahs and needed me to check their coats for them.

While I was home, I hung out with my broseph, Boopsie, who has the same hair and general catalogue of stances that I do. We had wings with another set of siblings, the Petruseks, who should have a techno side thing called PetruSexxx, and who resemble each other in hair, gait, and demeanor. The four of us together make up a combination so potent that if we turn on each other it will be like some Hatfield v. McCoy type SHIT, but since we all dig each other's vibes and smell what we are collectively cooking, it's a pretty sweet set up like generally you know?

My friend Amy bought a dog that looks and acts a lot like me, so hopefully the Petruseks have a best friend who has a dog that looks and acts a lot like them, or else Boops and I are one-up on those guys. Game, set, MATCH.

On a harmonious note,
Some things happened on this trip home that really warmed my heart and brought me joy. The past month or so has been BUSY and stressful sometimes! But it also is a dream, just a dream. Everyone be safe and healthy and joyous. Yeah, I just got serious, seriouser than Dicks and PetruSexxx, in any case. But you may forget how lucky we are to live, and laugh, and love others, and tell others you love them, and taste cheese, and read a good sentence, and take a deep breath and let it out again, and giggle aloud at private thoughts, and shamelessly hit on your waiter, and do Cher impersonations, and drink refills of Pink Lemonade FOR FREE, and quote Casablanca with your mom inside Banana Republic while trying on a very trenchy trenchcoat, and feel your best friend's mom's boobs, and eat part of your balanced dorm breakfast, and sing, and read old yearbook quotes aloud only to realize that you've pretty sharply predicted the future. See people you haven't seen in five years. Play with their kids. See where you've all gone, know that you're all going so much farther. Wonder why you have more than two friends moving to Lincoln, Nebraska. Listen to Howard Stern with Dad, listen to Oma's stories about her Oma, fall asleep on the couch in the living room in clothes.

BoopSnack

seein dese guys in phoenix tomorrow

Outlying Snack

Everyone is possessed with an innate and natural talent for something. For some it's very specifically one thing, for others it may be quite a few. I finished The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell earlier this summer, and in it he expounds upon the magic 10,000 Hours-- the number of hours it takes of practice, experience, pure and sheer work on the thing at which you will excel. The Beatles logged about 10,000 Hours in Hamburg playing cover songs 6 nights a week in skeazy nightclubs, testing and setting new limits in their ability to experiment with several musical genres, all before "Love Me Do" in 1962. Bill Gates worked as a programmer for some computer test center while he was still in high school, and he logged 10,000 Hours doing that before Microsoft was even a twinkle in his nerdy bespectacled eye. Da Geniuses of Da World, it seems, do what they love and love what they do so much and so passionately, that it is no problem for them to reach that number, and subsequently reach greatness.

For all of the kids my age, the ones who went to my school and majored in Theatre: I calculated that, assuming that you did drama club or theater company or whatnot for all four years of high school, and assuming that you did studio all four years of college and maintained a heavy evening presence throughout rehearsing on the 2nd floor of Tisch, and assuming that you have worked rather steadily (not insanely either, like, a bundle of hours of rehearsal/theatrical endeavour a week) since you've graduated, that we have all surpassed the 10,000 Hour Mark sometime this summer, or we will be doing so this fall.

So, Congratulations. You are on the fast track to becoming a Bona Fide Creative Genius, and according to the aforementioned existing models, we have all the right to change the world . Keep doing what you love and Loving what you do. As my brother said when he visited this summer, "Watching you guys find time to do what you love just because you love it, it's like watching the future of stuff."

The only thing I've logged as much time or more on as this is probably investing myself in fictional love stories, which may or may not hold as promising or lucrative a future.

Busyness Snack

I am flitting around breathlessly!

On a half-hour break from my one-week stint as a postcard distributor, I called my dear friend Chuck The One From Nebraska and we began organizing a last minute road trip to Arizona to visit our dear friend Amy, with a pitstop in Las Vegas to help my father with a giant athletic expo he's involved in. It seemed so impetuous that my revisionist memory of it has us screaming frantically at each other into the phone: "I'VE NEVER BEEN WEST OF COLORADO." "OF COURSE I'LL MAKE PLAYLISTS FOR THE CAR." "YES YES MY DAD WANTS US BOTH IN VEGAS BY THE 22ND THERE WILL BE SPORTS PEOPLE THERE!!!" "OKAY I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON OKAY BYE."

And then a day later, I'm cast in a show the same week as the expo and a wrench is thrown into the whole of my haphazard planning. Not really a wrench, as I fully intend to go back to Phoenix after the show is over. But no more Vegas, and probably no more road trip. It's also not really a wrench because thrown wrenches usually hold negative connotations, and I am really, really excited about this show.

And then a day later, I'm in the middle of suburban Queens holding iced tea and a pizza, rehearsing for my one-woman show in-development entitled "Carol Channing Sings Sublime's Greatest Hits and Maybe Some Songs from Les Mis" and playing the Wii and nestling Says Scoville and finally realizing after ten years that THE BUTTHOLE SURFERS sing that song about the water flowing like an avalanche, coming down the mountain!!! And falling asleep on Stevo's mom's bed.

And then a day later, quitting my job as a postcard distributor by calling 3 minutes before I'm supposed to be there. And seeing 2 of 201 shows in the New York Fringe Festival. The first one caused even Drew Vanderberg to call Scoville weird. The second had a dead thing in it. I was tickled and thrilled and prouded by both!

And then a day later, eating amuse-bouche and soft cheese and wine with an old friend/ a bookend, and making my own bruschetta. And then a day later, happy hoursing and chatting wildly. And then a day later, it's now. And I will send my script out tonight for Fresh Ground Pepper. And I will remember that if Stefan wasn't gay, he'd be Dawn's boyfriend. And I will continue to <3 symbols and collecting things from the street. And I will continue to remember why I'm here. And I will continue to hand draw birthday cards for my friends. And I will send care packages to my Amy (no candles this time), and dear AJ newly Scotlanded and my Boopsie newly colleged. And I will continue to filch fortune cookies from work that say things like

"Someone will invite you to a karaoke party."

"Your happy heart brings joy and peace where there is none."

"Your individuality provides a light to others."

"On the right track, means need to run even faster, or got run over."

CrackSnack

Missin My Cousins Snack

And the streets of San Fran

"Last week
Thought I saw you on the street
Turns out it was a bag of trash."

Carol Channing Snack 2

My bro showed me this one.

Yay Snack

Things That Are Cool That Happened Today
-I got a one-month unlimited membership to a Latin Dance Studio for 88 cents
-My computer arrived at Ilya's house
-Someone called me Winona Ryder
-I got PAID CA$$H MONEY
-Watched some BSB music videos!
-I listened to the Rush:Retrospective CD I got at Virgin for like two dollars.
-I cleaned my room!
-Boops is here in hours, and my birthday party is tomorrow!

Snackinee

Going to see August: Osage County this afternoon! Then I go straight to work! I feel so busy and excited.

Birthday party this weekend, coupled with a visit from The Boopsie Himself. I can't wait for Ben's debut in lowbrow New York Society.

Another Dream Snack

This one is actually more a nightmare snack:

So I was in this hilly harbor park somewhere along the Pacific with my mom and my brother, and we are walking around, looking at the boats. We notice there are a few rides, like a little mini-water park and some swings and a ferris wheel or so, and we wonder if maybe we've stumbled into some sort of theme park. We round the corner next to the bathrooms and we come upon this giant warehouse, like it looks like an airplane hangar, only one of the four walls is missing so it opens out toward the harbor. Then we see a Tyrannosaurus Rex playing with a girls hair and skipping around. And then it hits us.

It's not a harbor park. It's a Jurassic Park.

There are all these families looking at the T-Rex, taking pictures, musing about it to their spouses, letting their children pet it. It's pretty surreal. I think, I guess they must have found a way to housetrain the T-Rex. Maybe it's evolved from its more hostile '93 model. Sure enough, the T-Rex comes over and nuzzles my shoulder. He breathes on me. I am kind of terrified.

Then something happens, I don't remember, and he turns away from me to some other person and snaps on them. He literally opens his mouth and tries to eat this guy. But the guy, whoever he is, he's a fighter, and he takes the T-Rex's tongue in his hand and rips it out. The T-Rex drops the guy in a momentary fit of pain. The guy runs out of the warehouse. The T-Rex shakes it off and bounds after him.

Mom says, "Okay, we're going to go into the bathroom."

We beat the rush of scared people to the bathroom. There is only one toilet open, and it is not in the stall, it is in an open space next to the sinks and a few plush velvet couches. I have to pee so I do so, and this guy sits next to me on the velvet couches and tells me I'm pretty. I finish peeing, then I throw a water bottle at him and I'm like "Go fuck yourself. and have fun with the dinosaurs."

And he's like, "What dinosaurs?"

By this time, the bathroom is completely crowded. We hear a boom or a crash from outside. Mom and Ben and I run outside to see what's going on, and we see the T-Rex running toward us from around a hill next to the harbor. He runs through the water, onto land and directly past us, toward the parking lot. He is pursued by a fake T-Rex that is powered by a bunch of Jurassic Park employees on thousands of tiny bicycles.

We look out to the harbor, and a bunch of battleships have lined up to fight the dinosaur apocalypse.

Then, we hear a screech from inside the bathroom. I remember that it's probably the raptors because my dream flashes to the movie, when the unseen raptors eat the cow and the cow-strap comes back all magled fabric and bent poles. Mom and Ben and I run toward the entrance/exit.

We pass the water rides, which are now water rides full of dead people. We get a drink from the drinking fountain. The exit is blocked off, probably because they are fighting a T-Rex in the parking lot. But they're still selling tickets to go in, as is evidenced by the new presence of Andie MacDowell, that actress from Groundhog Day, who has just entered the park with her family. She is wearing the same outfit that she was wearing when I saw her on 68th Street like two weeks ago.

I'm like, "Andie MacDowell! You have to get out of here! The dinosaurs are taking over!"

She's like, "What dinosaurs?"

And then we all hear another screech from the bathroom. So we all run. Me, my mom, Ben, Andie MacDowell, her family, we're all running over hilltops, out toward the ocean. Bombs go off. We reach a cliff that has been fenced off. We hear crashes and screeches behind us, fast approaching. The sun begins to set over the water, and it shines over the sea in beams so it looks white, and I notice that all of the boats and sidewalks and harbor houses are entirely white, and then I wake up.

Proud of You Snack

Congratulations, Class of 2009.

Compare Contrast Snack

My brother thinks that Thom Yorke and Rocko have the same vocal intonation. Judge for yourself:

The Episode with the Sad Crying Clown in an Iron Lung

Rocko's Modern Life - Who Gives A Buck
Uploaded by smashme101 -

"Awkward Thom Yorke Interview"

Seal Snack

So apparently? I have more than one Seal song on my iPod? I was hankering for some "Kiss From a Rose" and then I iPodded Seal and found like two other songs that I have never heard of. Maybe they were free with my iPodian purchase?

Seal was my very first concert! In 1995, a Hard Rock Cafe opened in Phoenix and they had a free concert and he headlined. It was an exciting time in my life, for Batman Forever had just wowed my 9-year-old world.

Other kinds of Seals:



Navy Seals



Baby Seals



Baby Sealz



Navy Sealz?



BoopSeals

Procrastisnack

I have a play to write!

And I'm not writing it!

The first read-through is on Sunday. We have just secured the cast and it's going up as part of the breedingground Spring Fever Festival. It's part of their Groundworks Series, or plays-that-need-development-and-readings. It's happening at The Robert Moss Theater, nee Linhart. On June 6th.



I am very honored to be one of the puzzle pieces of this Fest!

In other news, I am going home next week to see this guy



Speak for these kids




And! Then I get to see my Boopsie Brother graduate high school! Watch for him on this show next week:




Finally, Fresh Ground Pepper, the new works series I co-founded, got a plug on BACKSTAGE.COM! Thanks Preston! I am seeing your show on Sunday!

Online JournalSnack

I just rediscovered my OpenDiary from high school. WHOA. It's pretty rough to revisit! Also hilarious!

I have always been a fiend of the online journaling persuasion. I jumped from the OpenDiary (2001-2005? Okay so apparently I wrote an entry or two in college. Woof.) to a blog entitled "It's a Great Day for Baseball," (2002-2006) which still has a URL but for some reason you cannot see any of the backlogged entries. And then I went from that into livejournal (2003-2009), which still very much exists, although I don't write in it very much at all.

I wish I remembered some of those passwords! I want to like bring all of the private and public entries together and bind them into a book to give my hormonal teenage daughter as proof that she's not, nor ever was, the Only One Who Feels This Way.

And No, I will not provide links to you.

(me and my brother circa 2004, eating at P.F. Chang's)